Overly Defensive

Someone told me I’m a bit too defensive. Surely it’s true. But how can you let yourself freely go when you know you are gonna put yourself in a bad situation? How do you do that when you know that you are going to put yourself through something with no easy way out, in which someone gets terribly burnt? I’m not saying that the burnt one could only be me, I could even have something great coming up, but in that case why should I throw shit to the others?

A while ago I wrote that I was only able to do what my heart says. Well, I don’t think I can say it any longer, because I do not understand what my heart says anymore. I can only act instinctively, but when I try to listen at it, it hits me head on. I’m not able to understand a mere thing anymore…

I probably have a lot of things to write, but actually I’d go too much deep into personal affairs, and, guess what, I’m actually too much defensive to be able to talk about it. For now.

I lowered my defences ingenuously, and I’ve been fully hit.

And it hurts. It hurts a whole lot.

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