Thoughts. They are bad things to have in mind nowadays. As for me, the only act of thinking causes me uncountable troubles, being prone to introspection. And it’s well known that having around men with bad habits it is more than just probable that you start living by same bad habits. As I, more than often, say to myself: “if you dance with the Devil and he starts looking different, he isn’t changing: he is changing you”.

I look around, I read, I get myself updated with latest news, and anywhere I look it makes me sick. I see TAV (high-speed railways currently in unwanted but forced development in Italy, in a particoular zone), and I remember of Vajont (one of Italy biggest natural disaster, caused by the creation of a dam by fool people, which lead to heavy amounts of rocks fall into the dam created lake, which caused the water to spill over in heavy amount, with a great number of deaths), I see IRAQ (and Italy joining USA armies), I remember of second world war (seems Italy is unable to pick up the right allies), I see nazifascist claiming their superiority, superiority of Benito Mussolini, I hear of people describing how to “take this people out” which comes here “stealing us jobs”. I see all of this and I think of Einstein, yeah, him:

There are just two infinite things in the world: universe and human stupidity. And I’m not that sure of the former.

I realize of what’s happening and I almost cry. As if I do not have enough things making me sad already. I believe that in all this time Italy and italians did not yet understand a mother fucking thing: almost all of them are against immigrates and pro war. They are mad at immigrates… for fucking sake… they still didn’t understand anything from our emigrations? They do not think that what our actual immigrates are living just exactly what our emigrates lived years ago? Someone still had the courage to tell me: “right, but we have been treated the same way”. AND YOU STILL DIDN’T LEARN A MOTHER FUCKING THING?!?. For fucks sake, even Algeria is better than us… yeah: ALGERIA offering solidarity towards immigrates… go Italy, go! And let’s avoid talking about religion, which as you probably already read in the whoami makes me a little on fire.

My next birthday is coming soon, a few days left, and I cannot refrain from thinking to what I have, and to how it does not change my mood. Somebody used to ask me “Why are you feeling this down? What are you missing?”, and the answer I came up with a bit ago is “Nothing… but happyness”. Since yesterday it seems that some strange kind of depression came back to me, which catches me up from time to time, and to which I am already almost used, but that tightens to me for several days nonetheless. It is like an inner emptyness which I cannot fill in any way, no matter how hard I try to. I have things to do, but no will to, things I could do, but not interesting me, I’d like to scream, but I lack necessary voice and will, therefore I can only whisper to myself. In few words I suffer in silence, as I always did and continue to. Aside the fact that now I have this website where I can let all (or part of) my thoughs flow, just like I’m doing right now. But I’m kind of starting to repent, as I always do, therefore I think I’m gonna stop right here.

I wonder why you are here, what made you read through these kind of depressing thoughts, aside casualty. Anyway I already gave you the way to explain.

One thought on “Thoughts”

  1. Who says the devil can’t change too? 😉

    Have you read Octavia Butler’s Parable series? It begins in a dystopia with themes related to violence and capitalism, but by the third book it’s a little more optimistic. You might enjoy it. Keep those thoughts coming though — you have some insightful points there, maybe writing will help you work them out?

    Cool mascot by the way. 😀

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