Those days are gone
Now I hide where I just can’t say
I’m still there
Catching the tears
Before they fall to the ground…
Now, before most of you $!#%£ come around swinging axes of vengeance, both title and lyric have been changed, and they don’t even share the same song.
It’s been days I’m carrying a nervous anxiety which is literally tearing apart. I believe that going on like this I will have a nice heart attack due to stress. I’m trying to draw lines and a future path to walk on, but I don’t like what I got now, what I could possibly have in a future, neither what I left behind.
I know that I’m maybe too idealist, but is it the dreamer’s fault if the whole world has decided to stay awake?
Every day I wake up and each and every time I think of the opportunities this life offers me as of now:
1 – Keep doing a job which doesn’t satisfy me just cause it pays. And all in all, considered all the growing expenses, not even that much.
2 – Drop everything and look for a honest job as janitor. Because anyway in Italy, if you don’t know people (or if you don’t want to use the ones you know) you can only do that. I have no crime records either, so I can’t become a politician, of course.
3 – Load the guns, visit each and every one who betrayed and ruined life of my whole italian generation. My life would be probably utterly ruined, but I would face jail with a smile on my face knowing that, vengeance aside, it helped someone.
4 – Emigrate to the USA as a programmer/tester/web developer. The problem is that most of these companies want a Bachelor Degree in “Computer Science” or comparable. Which leads us to the next point.
5 – Start with Computer Science, ask for the commutation of the exams I held in Computer Engineering, and quickly finish the course up. There’s a thing to consider though: probably by the time I would finish, Italy would already be screwed worse than Argentina, so I probably lost the right time to do this.
6 – Suicide.
As of now, the most valued hypotesis are the third and fourth, even though the sixth comes back from time to time.
Several times I desired and requested to be stupid, to have no talents or no skill whatsoever. Ignorance is a Bliss. Not being able to do anything, to be stupid as a beast, but all in all being happy. But no, that would be too easy. I always have to look for a job which can give me personal satisfaction, it’s just not enough that it pays.
Sometimes I can just swallow all of this and keep going on, but I can never do it for too long… I just can’t…
Maybe I just have to convince myself and realize I’m just a random asshole.
PS: If you’re interested, the picture is taken from a new picture gallery. Yeah, I know there has never been one. Maybe I will start soon making this website my repository for real… who knows…