Rip & Thorn

I thought about asking you a question, wondering if you might be giving me an answer I cannot seem to find. But to do so let me introduce a little of the story.

Suppose that you meet this guy/girl, and after some time start hanging out with him/her. You seem to like him/her more and more, and after some time you even start believing that he/she might be THE one (feeling in a way you haven’t felt in quite a while, now).

Then after some time (and apparently out of nowhere) you find out he/she’s right-winged (politically speaking), or to say it clear, some kind of nazi-fascist. What would you do?

I, myself, am on all of the opposite side, truly convinced as an artist and a human, that everybody on this earth were born equal to each other. A couple sentences totally destroyed my whole vision of her, even giving me some kind of strange feelings, being both sorry for her and pitiful for myself… I almost broke the conversation, as that has been the end of a tragically fucked up day, so I did not went deep enough to understand if she really is like that. Or maybe I just didn’t have the strength to find out she could really BE like that. It has been so stressful that due to my everlasting sickness problems (as everlasting as unknown to any medic) I felt like collapsing on myself for something like three days.

I just don’t know what to do. Wanted to talk to her but the only words which appeared in my mind where: “yeah, right… and what do I tell her?”.

I’m off balance. Caught off guard. Love sucks. Or even feelings, I’m not sure I could call that love. But ffs, it’s leaving me like a pitiful man.

And to close this whining with style, let me write down a lyric for you (at least you might find something interesting in this post):

Love is blindness,
I don’t want to see,
won’t you wrap the night
around me?

Blood Work

I just read the last 23 chapters (out of 47) straight… I started something around midnight, and it’s 5am right now.

The only thing I can clearly say is: “this book is awsome. its author is a true genious”.

Props to Michael Connelly then, and if you don’t know what to read or want some hint, then let me suggest you this wonderful book, it’s really worth it.

And no, I don’t get anything off book sales, hehehe.


SMS sent to my mother from a relative:

Listen, don’t call me after I tell you this… I really don’t want to talk about it on telephone. We will talk about it later. I just want to tell you this before you get to know it from someone else. I know you’re going to feel bad about it, but I’m sure that together we will be able to get through this moment…

Santa Claus doesn’t exist!

Luckly I still have some decent relative…


Thoughts. They are bad things to have in mind nowadays. As for me, the only act of thinking causes me uncountable troubles, being prone to introspection. And it’s well known that having around men with bad habits it is more than just probable that you start living by same bad habits. As I, more than often, say to myself: “if you dance with the Devil and he starts looking different, he isn’t changing: he is changing you”.

I look around, I read, I get myself updated with latest news, and anywhere I look it makes me sick. I see TAV (high-speed railways currently in unwanted but forced development in Italy, in a particoular zone), and I remember of Vajont (one of Italy biggest natural disaster, caused by the creation of a dam by fool people, which lead to heavy amounts of rocks fall into the dam created lake, which caused the water to spill over in heavy amount, with a great number of deaths), I see IRAQ (and Italy joining USA armies), I remember of second world war (seems Italy is unable to pick up the right allies), I see nazifascist claiming their superiority, superiority of Benito Mussolini, I hear of people describing how to “take this people out” which comes here “stealing us jobs”. I see all of this and I think of Einstein, yeah, him:

There are just two infinite things in the world: universe and human stupidity. And I’m not that sure of the former.

I realize of what’s happening and I almost cry. As if I do not have enough things making me sad already. I believe that in all this time Italy and italians did not yet understand a mother fucking thing: almost all of them are against immigrates and pro war. They are mad at immigrates… for fucking sake… they still didn’t understand anything from our emigrations? They do not think that what our actual immigrates are living just exactly what our emigrates lived years ago? Someone still had the courage to tell me: “right, but we have been treated the same way”. AND YOU STILL DIDN’T LEARN A MOTHER FUCKING THING?!?. For fucks sake, even Algeria is better than us… yeah: ALGERIA offering solidarity towards immigrates… go Italy, go! And let’s avoid talking about religion, which as you probably already read in the whoami makes me a little on fire.

My next birthday is coming soon, a few days left, and I cannot refrain from thinking to what I have, and to how it does not change my mood. Somebody used to ask me “Why are you feeling this down? What are you missing?”, and the answer I came up with a bit ago is “Nothing… but happyness”. Since yesterday it seems that some strange kind of depression came back to me, which catches me up from time to time, and to which I am already almost used, but that tightens to me for several days nonetheless. It is like an inner emptyness which I cannot fill in any way, no matter how hard I try to. I have things to do, but no will to, things I could do, but not interesting me, I’d like to scream, but I lack necessary voice and will, therefore I can only whisper to myself. In few words I suffer in silence, as I always did and continue to. Aside the fact that now I have this website where I can let all (or part of) my thoughs flow, just like I’m doing right now. But I’m kind of starting to repent, as I always do, therefore I think I’m gonna stop right here.

I wonder why you are here, what made you read through these kind of depressing thoughts, aside casualty. Anyway I already gave you the way to explain.